I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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