i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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