Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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