she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
