your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize