oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
