she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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