I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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