Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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