i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
