I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We smell like vodka and hangover
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