I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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