remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
