dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
