I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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