Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
