Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
