He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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