hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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