This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
