That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
