I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
try to milk me bitch
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
