I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
