well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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