what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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