i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
