we have pet lesbian snakes
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
