Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
