The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.