I feel great
I just peed on a car
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
