I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His hands were made for my vagina.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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