dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
