I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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