the new term for farting is butt boxing.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
