Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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