def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
