Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
