I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
