Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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