I'm really into asian looking animals
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
