Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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