my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Let's get the cat blown out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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