So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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