if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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