I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
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This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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