hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
