I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
