I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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