i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
