Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize