he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
