after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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