Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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