I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
