We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
