awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
