i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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