He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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