To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.