On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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